I hesitate to add this entry to my esteemed cannon of work, but a co-worker, one of the last of the great Elvis fans, announced her husband had bought her recent documentary entitled, Elvis is Alive. You’ve got to be kidding, I thought. Are we in Dayton, Ohio circa 1982? Are people still making money selling the Elvis is alive angle? And if so…why didn’t I think of it? Sure enough the next day ‘Donna,’ brought in the DVD. I scoffed, I laughed, and then I watched it and learned these valuable, if not substantiated, truths.
*Captain Marvel Jr. inspired Elvis hairdo.
*Captain Marvel Jr. had way too much influence in Elvis’ life.
*A concerned government drafted Elvis because Jailhouse Rock promoted homosexuality. (Have you seen the back-up dancers?)
*The Colonel, Tom Parker, a villian if ever there was one, was an illegal alien by the name of Andreas Cornelis (Dries) van Kuijk. He fled Europe under suspicion of murder!
*Elvis fell in love with ‘Cilla ’cause of her astonishing resemblance to Capt’n Marvel Jr.’s sister, Mary. (This is true of at least two other women, one of which was Anne Margaret.)
The real conspiracy, the Trojan Horse messaging as it were, is criticism of the Obama administration. (Didn’t see that coming!) It’s nothing shockingly new aside from the fact that Obama knows Elvis is alive, and as my sister said, …”lives in a sh*tty neighborhood in California?” Well, he came from humble beginnings.
So when you look around and it seems that the world is spinning out-of-control, take comfort in the fact that there’s still folks around searching for Elvis.